I was listening to a CD by a very popular personality in which he says first few years of marriage there is a phase of life which is cool & calm and quite & simple and we love each others this is phase of marriage called "Chandra Mukhi" meaning Chandra -> Moon and Mukhi -> face (also taken as phase) then after that it becomes "Surya Mukhi" meaning Surya -> Sun and After that phase comes "Jvala Mukhi" Jvala -> Firing and Burning which is the last phase of the relation. This post is for people who are looking to get back from Jvala Mukhi to Chandra Mukhi or Surya Mukhi to Chandra Mukhi.
I used to think when I complained to my wife that she was not doing that she was not listening and lots and loads of them but I don't know a day would come when she comes back with the same complains to me as well. The day has come finally where she started questioning me. You know what we do is not intentional and we never thought that it would bother her. The reason is very simple you thought these are very petty things.
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| Join Hands to think again...!! |
Think about this try to recollect when you fought with your wife last time. What did you fight upon? On national economy or on why government is collapsing or why there is lot of population. The answer is obvious "NO". By this what I understood is very simple a fight between husband is very simple and at times we remember that we fought but we forget the reason we fought. I am no exception and I fought about these things as well. I don't remember what was the reason but I know that I have not compromized last night I would continue. This stage is very important for the relation to grow stronger and detangle. What I would say if anyone is in this stage is to think was that something you could change rather than asking her to change if you think that its not in your control give her time to think as you have given a thought and take to very lighter note. Are you thinking Why should I take on a lighter note. I will try to talk about in my next paragraph. As per my understanding my life is very smooth after I understood that I want to change if I want to take care of my family. One thing I would recommend is that love your spouse more than anyone including your own children.
Why should and How should I show more love to my love? Lets not go out of context, we are discussing about building good relation right. So now you know your answer why you need to love your wife more than anyone else. Please understand here sharing more love here doesn't mean that you talk verbally it and which should mean you showing love. As I said in my previous post showing love to wife is different from showing love to kid. There is always difference between how you love and you show your love. I will better put an Example here say you came from busy office and you wanted to show love by spending some time with your spouse but your wife had a busy day and she wants to give you the child and take rest for sometime but you wanted to spend time with her so you don't allow her to take rest and rather trouble her do you think she thinks that you love her? If the I am asked the same question I have an answer called "NO". You are the better person to understand needs.
Can we give thought when we say she does not understand you, did you give an opportunity to your spouse or did you try to tell her what you need, if the answer is yes another simple and last question did you understand her properly? When these questions are answered you don't need any answers. These questions are simple but I have jumbled the questions. Understanding your spouse is the very important thing in your relations. When you say they know but they don't understand you. When they know it they know it but when they understand what you wanted to tell her she implements it. Now I know what your question is "How do I make them understand?". The Answer is pretty simple talk the way they want you to understand when they talks about something similar. This is very simple to tell to an author like me but its pretty difficult at first but very easy if ones you understand.
Did I ever give a think about what she is expecting me to do? The thought is basis to resolve your problem with her in all aspects. In a book that I read "7 habbits of most Effective People by Steven R Covey" he says there is something called emotional bank account for every person. In which you deposit and withdraw the emotions whenever its required. We need to deposit the emotions which we can withdraw later. This is true for all the relations including your co-workers. My point here is very simple do things to deposit and try to withdraw. People start withdrawing instead of actually depositing in the bank. So when the balance is nil and when you go on credit obviously bank give notice finally it becomes serious about your account and stops giving you more credit same is the case with you.
How do I deposit in the emotional bank account which money should I use to deposit? I think this is the next question everybody gets I have answered this in my previous reference example about a busy day in office. In that you need to understand your spouse situation instead of telling your situation. Try to deposit that emotion. When she thinks her bank account is full of deposit then when you recieving it back. So build that bank account strong and full of deposit there is nothing like keeping for themselves they distribute this emotional deposits to you and many times if you still go on depositing then you can see that this is distributed to your surrondings like your children and your parents. You may have a doubt when I was born I opened my account with nil balance how does my father and mother love so much. Your birth has filled their emotional bank so much that they could sustain for very long time and one of your parent fills deposit unless you start depositing. They don't want you to go on debt.
Please post me back if you are not able to understand or relate anything in this post I am ready to help you. Thanks for reading Happy married life here after.
(disclamair:This holds good for the people of normal Indian families may be applicable for others but its just a post you consider it a pointer or another post which makes no difference)
